M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
