omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You don't make any sense
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