um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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