My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
