There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
