Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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