My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
