im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
