those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
