he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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