Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
