Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
