But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
