Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
