And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize