Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
