so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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