My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
