Plan B is the new Plan A
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
