I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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