More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
