If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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