It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
