if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
