cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
