Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
