Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
