I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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