um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
