You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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