M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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