if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
