why didn't you poke me back
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
