Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
