I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
