oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
