Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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