I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
