hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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