Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
