I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
