I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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