I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
