Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
