Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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