my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
