why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
