I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
