i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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