and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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