I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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