i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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