Is it normal to miss your booty call?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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