Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
