Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
