I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
