if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
