So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize