very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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