i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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