Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
