Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
