i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
