We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
