i already hear my dad disowning me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
