I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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