why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
